Entry #2: Acceptance and The Color Wheel

You're Not Like My Friend's Cousin's Neighbor's Aunt's Sister's 5 year old Brother!

    Sigh. This is going to be a long post. And gosh, what a heading! You're absolutely right! I'm not three and a half feet tall, I'm not into children's cartoons, and I am certainly not a boy. You'd think this would get easier to deduce, right? Apparently not. For some reason when autistic people disclose the fact that they are autistic there's this milliseconds long moment of hesitance.

 

    For the autistic person, it's a feeling of nervousness, "Is the other person going to accept me? Do they still like me? Am I safe? Is their entire perception of me different now?" I can only imagine what the other person must think, "Do I ask questions? Is that okay? What do I say? They seem normal..." Ultimately, the autistic individual is met with one of three responses: one of acceptance, one of arrogance, or one of ignorance.

Acceptance

    "Oh, really? Interesting! Is there anything you'd like to tell me about it?"

    

    ...

 

    "Cool! Is it okay if I ask some questions? I'm unsure about things and I want to learn more."

    ...

    "Oh, is that hard for you? In what ways do you struggle? How can I help in future interactions?"

 

    ...

 

    Sighs. Of. Relief. Surprising. Pleasant interaction. Education. Acceptance.

 

 

Arrogance

    "Um... you're not autistic..."

    ...

    "Do you... have a diagnosis or... are you just saying that...? Prove it."

    ...

    "Everyone wants to be so special nowadays. In my day no one had all these mental issues!"

    ...

    Sighs. Of. Annoyance. Irritating. Harsh interaction. Stubborn. Arrogance.

Ignorance

    "You don't look autistic."

    ...

     

    "You seem so normal!"

 

    ...

     

    "You're not like my autistic brother."

 

    ...

     

    Sighs. Of. Exhaustion. Expected. Ridiculous interaction. Insensitive. Ignorance.

 

 

I Lied

    Alright. After demonstrating the most common responses to "I am autistic," I have to admit one of these categories absolutely does not exist. Not in the way I demonstrated, at least. Due to the arrogance and ignorance of others, autistic people have had to re-categorize the way our interactions occur. Of course I would love if people responded with the acceptance and positivity highlighted earlier. Unfortunately, autistic people have to shift the definition of acceptance in order to make ourselves feel better, to be frank.

    Some phrases included in this new definition are a very hesitant and nervous "Oh.." as well as an excited "You must be really smart!" This is not the acceptance you think it is. I don't want to be treated like an alien you're too afraid to touch or like Rain Man. Despite unwelcome responses, I recognize that no one can be educated on everything all of the time. A lot of times, these are the only responses people know how to give. Some people might not even know what autism really means. And that's okay. This is what I'm here for.

"On the Spectrum"

    What does this mean? I'd say a good 90-95% of people think "autism" when they hear this phrase. I'd also say a good 90-95% get the wrong idea.

    First of all, let's get a good idea of what autism is. Autism is defined as a neurodevelopmental disability, meaning it affects the brain and the human developmental processes. However, I'd rather see it as a different neurotype. It's simply a different way of existing. Autism typically affects how someone senses the world, interacts with others, learns, and behaves.

    

    Okay, then what is the spectrum?

     

    When people say "autism spectrum" they tend to think a sort of number line that goes from "less autistic" to "more autistic." This is simply not a thing. This implies that the spectrum includes allistic (non-autistic) people. That the line extends forever until everyone fits on it. I introduce to you the color wheel.

    The autism spectrum is a color wheel. Traits such as eye contact, intense interests, fidgets, etc. are on this wheel. The further you go away from the center is representative of how much one struggles with these certain traits. Every autistic person's color wheel will look differently from each other. For example, I don't enjoy making eye contact. I will force myself if I have to, but I would rather not. On my color wheel, the color for "eye contact" would be shaded in further than an autistic person who doesn't struggle as much in that aspect.

    To understand autism, one must have this fundamental understanding of the color wheel. Understanding the color wheel means understanding that every autistic person is different and that there is no dichotomy of "less autistic" or "more autistic" (no matter how much people might think there is). I believe if more people understood this, there would be way less people responding "No, you aren't!" to "I am autistic." If more people understood this, I would get reactions much more positive than "Oh..."

    "I am autistic."

    

    "You're nothing like my 5 year old brother."

    You're absolutely right!